Father help me…. She wants to be just like me.
I sit here writing today with a broken heart.
My little girl wants to be just like me.
Some may ask “Why does that break your heart?” Some would probably love for their little girl to want to be like them.
But I know my heart. I know that I am a sinner in need of a Savior.
She loves everything about me. She cried when I cut my hair, because then we didn’t look alike anymore, and my hair wouldn’t be long like Repunzels.
This morning she told me that we need to find the same clothes so we can match.
She love me. She adores me. As I love and adore her.
This though, is what truly breaks my heart…
“Mommy, when I get older will I have a big tummy like you?”
“Mommy, I can’t wait to grow up so my tummy will be big like yours!”
She says things like this all the time. It doesn’t hurt my feelings. She is not calling me fat. She thinks I am beautiful, and she wants to be just like me.
Oh sweet baby girl, I pray that weight is not something you struggle with as you get older.
Sweet girl, this is why I am trying to teach you good eating habits now, while trying to break my bad habits at the same time.
My love, I don’t let you have a bunch of junk because I love you too much to do that to you.
Baby, I know that life is hard. You will have struggles. But if weight and food/sugar addiction is one thing I can protect you from in this world, then I will do everything in my power to do so.
It it this though, that has finally broken me to a point that I know I have to get my struggle under control.
Father, please help me! I cannot do this on my own. I come to you broken and begging for help. I have trashed this temple you have blessed me with. I have sinned. Help me to break my addiction to food. Help me to cling to you during times of distress, and not let my emotions lead me to the fridge, or pantry. Help me to lean on you as my body goes through detox, because Lord, I’m serious this time. I want to be a role model for a little precious girl that You have gifted to me. Lord, she wants to be just like me, and I want to lead her to you. I want to be able to enjoy these blessings you have given to me. I want to be so lost in You, Jesus, that they can’t help but see you when they see me. I want them to know that my identity is in Christ. I am confident of who I am in Him. What I see in the mirror may not bother me (a whole lot… I’d be lying if I said it didn’t bother me at all), but it is not healthy. It is not something that my daughter should want for herself. So please Lord, help me, motivate me, and move me to be someone worth looking up to. Amen.