You’ve got to go!

I struggle with lots of things. My weight. My hair. My children’s behavior. Being “that” mom or “that” wife. I struggle with whether or not I am doing things right. How my house looks, the food I cook for my family, am I playing with my kids enough…

After much prayer, I finally felt like God was leading me to cut some things out of my life.

1) Apps on my phone
I have deleted facebook and pinterest from my phone. I have been struggling for a long time, because I KNOW that I spend way too much time on both. It is truly an addiction. When I go to the restroom – I take my phone. When I let the kids watch a video – my daughter always wants me to sit and hold her, and I do, but I also have a grip on my phone. While nursing the Boy, I am checking things on my phone… I still have my accounts, but having to do them from our “real” computer (which we now have on a standing desk…) will drastically cut down on the amount of time I spend on these websites.

2) The Desk
My husband and I have been toying with the idea of a standing desk for a while, thinking that it would help us both cut down on our screen time. After all, we are setting an example for our children. So when our desk finally bit the dust a few weeks ago, we converted our mobile kitchen island into a standing desk. So far, it is doing a great job at helping both of us not to spend so much time at this screen.

3) People
You may be saying “What? People! Huh?” – just hear me out. Not all relationships are healthy, and sometimes we just have to let go. Sometimes we are exposed to things that are not true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent or praiseworthy (Philippians 4:8) and  we have to do what is right for us, for our family, and for our relationship with our Father. So if that means I have to make it where your “post” on facebook don’t show up in my news feed, then so be it. If I have to “unfollow” you on pinterest, then so be it. If I have to not attend a function or activity – for the sake of what is best for my family and my God, then so be it. I will do so, and not be ashamed.

These are the 3 biggies that God has laid on my heart. As I continue to seek Him in all aspects of my life, I am sure that He will continue to reveal things to me – that will help me become the person (friend, daughter, wife, mom…) that He has created me to be.

More school with HOD

Have I said that we love Heart of Dakota? Because, let me tell you,  WE LOVE HEART OF DAKOTA (HOD)!!

Obviously my attempts of weekly blogging updates of our school year have failed. But I have been taking lots of pictures!! Allow me to share a few with you.

We built the temple

We worked on colors and sorting with M&M’s,
the boy got to help

Sometimes we reiterate what we have learned by watching the same story in our “What’s in the Bible” dvd’s (use this link to save 20% off your purchase: http://whatsinthebible.extole.com/a/clk/2DCFhr)

The Boy likes to learn too

Daddy celebrated “Read across America” at school, so we celebrated at home as well.

Our cat came to school with us this week

Discussing idols – this was such a fun project!

Each week, we save the free ad-paper that comes, and let O go on a letter hunt, where she circles/highlights/colors as many of which ever letter we are on for the week as she can find.

Tracing our shoe… what could we be making?

It’s a whale!

Learning about Daniel – the writing on the wall, and the lions den!

She loves her Little Hands to Heaven guide so much, she reads it for fun!

We were supposed to cut out pictures from magazines of items that were blue – if you know me, you know that I do not cut magazines! Parish the thought! So we went on a color hunt – I even let O make this all my herself. I taught her how to open the app, and which buttons to push, and she did this (and a yellow one too) all my herself!

We are currently in Unit 22 in our guide “Little Hands to Heaven“. We go at our own pace – I follow her lead. Some days she loves doing school so much we may do 2-3 days worth of work in one day. Other times, she may go a few days just wanting to play and have fun – that is OK! She is little, so I focus more on letting her be a child and have fun and not forcing school on her. School, is just a bonus! Especially with all the fun projects we get to do. O will often come up to me and say “mom, we have to do a school project today!”

Her daddy tries to get involved as often as he can. In fact, we are toying with the idea of year round, or starting our school year in the summer type of schedule, so that he can be more involved in the kids school.

I am super excited because this past weekend my Precious and I went to the Homeschool Book Fair and we purchased our supplies for next year – Little Hearts for His Glory – I don’t want to rush this year, but I must say, I am super excited about what we will be doing next year!

Who wouldn’t be excited about all of this!

Part of what I love about this program is that it is easily adaptable. As you can see, we do a lot of fun things during the week. If ever I don’t have what a project calls for, it is really easy for us to do something similar, to get the idea across. Like with our Blue photo collage. What can I say? We love HOD!

When she turned 3

This is a reflection of my heart on my daughters 3rd birthday – November 2011

“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1 – Truth that I clung to during our almost 3 years of dealing with infertility.

“I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him.” 1 Samuel 1:27 – Means more to me now than ever before!

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13 – My prayer for Olivia.

Nov. 5 – Today I am thankful for my precious gift from God. My little girl that we prayed for, for almost 3 years, a time in which Cody and I learned that God’s timing is greater than our own. A time God used for His glory. We grew in our faith in Him, and we grew and matured in our marriage. “Olivia” means peace. After almost 3 long years of prayer and tears, God did indeed give us peace.

Today we celebrate our little miracle. Happy 3rd Birthday my love!

My Love’s prayers and Bible stories

I’m going to be adding a few post in the next few days that are not really “new”.  I have some notes on my facebook page that I am posting over here, because I really want to start utilizing my blog better.

This was originally posted on my facebook page Wednesday, March 28, 2012 at 9:41pm

Nothing makes my heart happier than to hear my daughter pray. We try to teach her to thank God for things, to ask for forgiveness, etc. I try to always share with her when I find out about people who need us to pray for them (like prayer request via facebook, email, etc). “Olivia there is a very sick person that we need to stop and pray for right now” or “Olivia do you see these pictures, that is a house that is on fire, we need to pray for them.”

It is so funny, because you never know what she is going to say. Her typical meal-time prayer is “Thank you God for family, friends, and food – amen!” Or if someone is sick (like last week when my mom was ill) she said “Thank you God – Gia not sick any more. Amen!”

As I said, we are also working on forgiveness. When she makes a bad choice we are teaching her not just to apologize, but to also ask for forgiveness. I use that time to explain that yes, I will forgive her, and why I will forgive her. (Because sometimes mommy makes poor choices too, and I have to ask God to forgive me, and because God is faithful and not only forgives me for my bad choice, but also forgets about it, I will forgive her. Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” NIV 1984)

So I couldn’t help but chuckle this afternoon when this happened…

I was at the counter preparing the kids lunch and behind me I could hear the rustle of dog food. I knew that Luke was getting into Hot Rod’s food and water bowls (again) but decided I’d wait and clean it up after I was through with their lunch. (He’s a boy, let him have is fun, right? Besides it will be a great story for my future grandchildren.) When all of a sudden I hear O sigh and say “Father, please forgive Lukey for making a mess. Amen!” and turn to see her with her broom and dust pan sweeping up the dog food from the floor! My sweet girl, I love her!

I also love that she notices things that I do (both good and bad…). I almost always pray – out loud – every time the kids and I get in the car to go somewhere. I ask for protection, I take time to lift up family and friends who are in need of prayer, or who just have been on my mind. O usually ask to pray for Daddy, her grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins… So on the rare occasion when I do not pray out loud it is sweet to hear her say “Thank you God, keep us safe. Amen!”

Like I said though, she isn’t just picking up the good habits… So please don’t think I am just writing all this down to make it seem like Cody and I are doing a great job. It isn’t us. We couldn’t do this with out the Lord guiding and directing us. It takes great patience, which I am not always the best at exercising, and our kids are still sinners. But thank God for GRACE, both for them and for me!

Olivia also loves to “read”. She is starting to recognize some words and some books she has memorized. However, most of her Bible story books (and she has about 9 million of them) start off the same… “God said ‘Go to Nineveh’ then Mary hold the baby….”

Yes, old testament Jonah with new testament Jesus. I love it! I wouldn’t change it for anything. I keep trying to catch her “reading” on video, but the little darling refuses to cooperate for the camera. Her stories go on (and on, and on…) and are a collaborative effort of the entire Bible, but they always start the same. Sometimes she will add Noah fighting Goliath in the lions den. Or Joseph fishing in his coat… She may get her stories mixed up, but I know that these seeds are being planted, and that she loves learning about them. Again, this is not just from me and her daddy. There are lots of people planting these seeds in our daughters mind and heart. And we are forever grateful for each of them for loving our sweet O and teaching her these truths. I pray each and every day for the day when we get to celebrate her salvation. I thank God in advance for the day when she is not just my daughter, but also my sister in Christ.

All dressed up and ready for Community Bible Study this morning.

It was fun!

This is part 2 of the story of our son’s birth and stay in the NICU. If you haven’t read part one, please click here.

Cody and I rode in our SUV with my dad driving. My mom picked up my mother in law and they rode together. I don’t remember much of the details of the ride up there. I just remember crying. Praying. And my husband reaching up from the back seat to place a reassuring hand on my shoulder.

Thank You God for the medical team that works here.

We parked in the parking garage, and made our way to the NICU. There were several people waiting for us in the waiting room, but I just wanted to get to my son. In all the craziness, my brain was a blur. My main concern? Either getting to my son to nurse him, or getting to a pump. My biggest fear? They would give him formula. Sad, but true.

Home away from home.

The only thing separating me from my son.

The gruff lady at the desk in the NICU (whom we eventually came to like) told us that we could not see him yet, that they were examining him and doing test etc. So she handed me bags of bottles, and sent me off to the pumping room. That did not go so well. I had no idea what I was doing….

When I was done attempting to pump, we asked once again if we could go see our boy. The gruff lady said no, but it wouldn’t be much longer. So we went back to the waiting room and were greeted by 16 family members that had come to love us, support us, and pray with us! What a blessing! During this wait we also set out to make arrangements for our stay. What a blessing that the hospital had transformed some old rooms into a “motel” like setting. So we were able to stay just a few floors above our baby, and could be there with him 24/7!

Eventually Cody and I were FINALLY able to see our boy. And he was more than ready to see his momma!!

Look at that mouth! He was ready for some mommy milk!

As excited as we were to see our boy, for the second time in less than six hours I was assaulted with an image that I was not prepared for. The first, when I saw my son on the stretcher at our hospital. This time, with a tube sticking out of his head so that they could give him a platelet transfusion, and would keep it there in case he needed IV or anything. The nurse explained that the best vain on a baby was on their head, and that it was the best place, since they couldn’t reach it and pull it out with all their wiggling and wailing.

The nurse also told us that they were preparing for his transfusion, and if we wanted to stay we could, or we could go eat and it would be done when we got back. After all that had happened that day, we hadn’t realized how hungry we were. We hadn’t ate all day, so we opted to pray for him again, then go get some food.

Remember that I told you we had 16 family members there with us, so we all decided to walk a few blocks down the road to El Fenix. So we went and enjoyed a meal together. For me, though, it is mostly a blur. I kept an eye on the time. I really wanted to get back to my son. I wanted to know he was alright. I wanted to nurse him, comfort him, hold him. I wanted the dr. to say the transfusion had been a success, and they would probably send us home in the morning…. That was wishful thinking.

Luke’s name tag the sweet nursed made for him.

We walked back to the hospital, and Cody and I rushed back to see our son. He was ready for his momma, again. The nurse laughed and said that we had no need to worry about his lungs, that they worked just fine. She also informed us that the transfusion had been successful, but not as much as the dr. wanted. His platelet count before the procedure had been 21,000. Afterwards it had only jumped up to 42,000 – not near enough. So they would keep an eye on him and and determine if he needed a second transfusion. They had also done a sonogram of his head to check for internal bleeding. And had taken a urine sample and had sent it back to do culture on it. There had to be a reason for his platelet count to be so low, so they were doing everything they could to find it.

We went back to report to our family. Several of them had been doing research from the moment they heard about Luke, and asked us if we wanted to read what they had found. Cody and I declined. Without even talking about it, we had somehow agreed not to look into it too much. For now, we would rely on God, and on the staff He had appointed to care for our son. We were worried, but also had a peace that cannot be explained.

Our family began leaving, with promises to call and check in, or that they would be back the next day. I am forever grateful for our wonderful family and friends who love us and support us.

Cody and I went to our room to try to rest. TRY being the operative word here. The hospital wanted me to nurse every 3 hours (at home I nurse on demand). So at every 2, 5, 8, and 11 o’clock I would make the trek to Luke’s area of the NICU to hold him and offer him nourishment and comfort. Cody was a trooper, he went with me every time. Which means he didn’t get much rest either. I would get there at the appointed time, say 2am, and it would take Luke about an hour to nurse, then we would make the trek back to our room (it took about 15 minutes!), we would climb back into bed after 3am, and my alarm would go off about 4:30 to give me time to get my shoes on, make my way back to the NICU, wash up (did I mention that we had to do a 3 minute hand wash every time we went to see Luke? I understand and respect the necessity of it, but geez, that got old quick!), gown up, (gotta love those ugly yellow gowns!) and go nurse again. So in reality we were getting about an hour – an hour and a half bits of sleep at a time, but oddly enough, I don’t really remember being tired. However looking back on pictures, it was obvious on our faces that we were tired, and worn, and that we aged during that time.

The next day, Sunday – Mother’s Day. Luke’s platelet count had dropped to 41,000. So they were still keeping a close eye on him to determine the need for a second transfusion or not. I remember at one point when we were in there with him, I was coughing and sneezing a bit. I looked at the nurse, panicked, and told her “I promise I’m not sick, it just allergies!” she laughed, then said “sweetie, I know your not sick, I’ve got so much information on you, if there was anything going on with you, I’d know it.” It hadn’t occurred to me that they would have information on me, since I wasn’t the patient, but it made since – they were trying to figure out what was wrong with my boy. A lot of people assumed it was be cause I am blood type negative, and so that must have been the cause, but the dr. and nurses told us that was not the case. I had my rhogam shot (which HURTS, by they way).

Happy Mother’s Day

My parents brought my sweet O to see us on Mother’s Day. I remember seeing my mom and telling her Happy Mother’s Day. Cody looked to me, gasped, with wide eyes, and hand over his mouth and said “I’m the worst husband! I forgot about Mother’s day!” I laughed, and told him it was fine, he could make it up to me later

Sweet O! So excited to see mommy and daddy!

Playing in the NICU waiting room.

Playing with dad in NICU waiting room.

Enjoying Mother’s Day at El Fenix

This is the night that I had my big break down. I was so tired. I missed my girl, who, at only 2 and 1/2 didn’t understand what was going on. She had wanted to go see her brother, and didn’t understand why she couldn’t.

I remember taking a shower that night, and just letting the hot water wash away my tears. The noise drown out my cries. Just standing there crying my prayers, because I had no words. Just a broken heart. I tried to get myself under control before going to bed with Cody. But he knew. He just held me and said that it was all right. I started crying. I told him no. It was not all right. It wouldn’t be all right until our family was together, at home.

Cody and I would share meals together in the cafeteria. We would stroll through the gift shop. We spent a lot of time walking around the hospital, holding hands, talking, praying.

Our “tv” for the week

Eventually they told us that Luke was jaundice and needed to be moved to the other side of the NICU. Cody and I laughed, not because it was funny, but because that past Saturday, when we first got to the NICU we had noticed their were two separate areas. The room on the left was dark, with lots of blue lights and babies in incubator looking things – we assumed that was where the “really sick” babies were. The other room, to the right, had lots of lights on, and people milling around, that must be where the “not-so-sick” babies were, after all that was where Luke was. Guess, what? We were wrong, and our boy was one of the “sick” babies. I think that is when I realized how serious it really had been.

His tanning bed

I should also point out that by this time, Lukes platelet count was coming up! It had started going up about 10-20,000 at every check!! We went from 41,000 t0 44,000 to 55,000 to 77,000!! YEA!! God was working a miracle in our boy.

Finally, on Wednesday morning, when we were trying to rest, we got a phone call in our room. Cody answered and spoke for a while. When he hung up he had the best look on his face and I knew – we were going home! Lukes platelets had taken another big jump during the night – they were at 140,000 and the dr. said it was safe for us to go home, but we would need them checked again the next day with our local pediatrician. We could handle that!

Going home!!

Remember in my previous post that I mentioned that in February I started feeling tired all the time. We now know that it was because my body had started attacking the baby. My body was producing antibodies that were attacking and “eating” his platelets.

They never did find out why this happened. The head sonogram came back all clear. No internal bleeding, no brain swelling (they did find a small cyst in the folds of his brain, but said that was not of concern.) His urine culture came back just fine. Nothing abnormal there.

In the beginning, I remember wondering if Luke would be ok. Would God chose to take him home, to heaven? I didn’t dwell on this too much. I just prayed. I feel like I put on a good front for our family. But once they all left, and it was just Cody and I… He got to see my true emotions. I cried. A lot. Cody was amazing though, he loved me, supported me, held me. He cried with me. Most importantly, he prayed.

It’s funny. When Olivia was born, and I saw Cody hold her for the first time, and I saw love and joy radiating from him like I had never seen before – I remember thinking that I just thought I loved him before. But I had a new love for him in that moment. The same is true for this experience. My love, respect, and admiration for this wonderful man of God, that God had gifted to me, grew once again. My respect for him grew. He really stepped up to the challenge in support, comfort, and as the spiritual leader of our home. God was definitely at work in both of us during this time. Growing us as His children, as a couple, as parents. We learned to fully depend on God. He was all we had. He was all we needed.

Thank you to
Darlene @ http://time-warp-wife.blogspot.com/
for granting me permission to use this image.

We may never know why, but then again maybe I do. Maybe this was the experience I needed to learn to fully trust and depend on God. Because when it came down to it, there was nothing, and nobody that could help my boy – except God. Maybe it was the experience I needed to learn to step back and let my husband be the leader God created him to be. Maybe I needed to learn that my children are not mine. They belong to God. He has trusted them to me. Maybe I needed to take a hard look at my priorities. Maybe God needed to bring Cody and I closer together. God knows the BIG picture, He knows the future, and I know that whatever the reason for us going through this, it was for His glory.

Many people have commented on how Cody and I handled this situation, with faith in God and with each other. If we can set an example for anyone, if we can open others eyes up to God through this, then this experience will have served the most ultimate purpose.

Closing thoughts: That week changed me. It changed my relationship with my husband. It changed my relationship with God. It rocked me to my core. And I would joyfully go through it again.

Finally home – my family of four!!

For my boy

We are getting ready to prepare for my Boy’s second birthday. It dawned on me a while ago, that I never did write out his birth story. I wrote O’s out like the week we came home. This was before I started blogging. Her’s was posted on my myspace page, which I haven’t checked  in, well, years…

I haven’t sat down and wrote out the Boy’s because for a long time, it was too painful to think about. It caused emotions that I didn’t want to stir up. I don’t have a large following on this blog, mostly friends and family, so you are all aware of our story. You can read my husbands take on it here.

About a year ago, though, when my wild boy was turning ONE and my Precious and I were reminiscing over our lives that past year and talking about that dark time I looked over to Cody and said “you know what? It was kind of fun!” As you can expect, he looked at me like I was insane, and said – “Um, no! It was not fun! Were you even in the same NICU as I was? Do you not remember……” he rambled on for quite a while

My response? Well, let me tell you the whole story, then I can tell you why I can look back on that time almost two years ago, and say that it was fun.

During the summer of 2010 my husband and I talked and prayed about trying for baby number 2. Our daughter would be turning two in the fall, and it had taken us 2 and 1/2 years to get pregnant with her. We knew we wanted our children close in age, and we felt like it was time to start trying again, just in case we had trouble conceiving this time around. We thought we would start trying in August, hoping for a summer baby, so that Cody would be home with us during those first few months. Imagine our suprise when on September 12, 2010 we saw two lines pop up on one of those white sticks!! Yes! Praise God!!    We told our parents, and close friends right away.

Then, in late October, we went to take fall family pictures at the Arboretum and made cute cards to mail to our family announcing that we were “adding another pumpkin to our patch!” We made the official announcement at our daughters 2nd birthday party to our family and friends.

In December we went for our “big” sonogram – boy or girl??? BOY!! We were elated!! Also a bit bewildered. I mean, I am a girl. I have a daughter. I don’t know anything about boys! I am an only child, so I don’t know anything about siblings either…. But oh, the joy I had in my heart!

It’s a Boy!

A few days after our sonogram my nurse called me. She told me the dr. was concerned about the baby’s brain development, and wanted me to go to a women’s center in Dallas at Baylor for more sonograms and to see a specialist. Whoa. Bring on the tears and prayers. Cody, my mom and I went – we went there for 3 separate appointments and they finally gave us the OK that everything looked fine. I have Graves Disease (thyroid), so the specialist felt that my OB was probably just being cautious.

In February, I began feeling very tired all the time. I thought it was just because I was pregnant, or the fact that I started off over weight, or my thyroid issues acting up… However it just kept getting worse. Over spring break (March 2011) we took my Love to the Children’s Aquarium at Fair Park, and to the Dallas Zoo. It was great fun, but it was all I could do to walk (waddle…) around with my family. I would get very tired and need to take breaks.

I tend to think that I am invincible, and so when I would go to the dr. and they would ask how I was doing, I would laugh it off. “Oh I’m great, tired (ha, ha) but well.”

My due date was May 14th. With my Love, I was induced on the day after my due date – we lived an hour and a half from the hospital, so the Dr. wanted us to schedule the birth for timing issues. (No babies on the side of the road!)  This time, I was having our baby at the hospital in our town. By mid April I was feeling miserable, and DONE. Ready to have this baby. So I began asking my OB about scheduling a induction. She just kept saying “we will talk about it at your next appointment.”

Well, in the mean time my Precious was praying that our Boy would be born on May 4th. He has a huge Star Wars obsession He enjoys Star Wars, and May 4th is Star Wars day (May the 4th be with you, ha ha, get it?) Well, our boy didn’t come that day. I thought it would be fun for him to be here on May 5th – a Cinco de Mayo baby! I had a dr’s appointment that day. As I went to check in at the desk, I jokingly (but in all seriousness) asked the receptionist what she thought the odds were of my dr. just sending me on to the hospital. She chuckled.

When the nurse was taking my vitals in the back, I asked her the same thing. She laughed. When the dr. came in, I told her (in a joking way) that I felt I was done, and we needed to just let me walk on next door to the hospital. She smiled. Then she got out her Doppler to listen to my boy’s heart beat. For a few minutes… with an odd look on her face. She asked me if the baby had been very active – Um… well, no. Not really. But my daughter had been less active the week she was born too, so I hadn’t worried about it. She looks at me and says “Why do I ever doubt you? You’re going to the hospital tonight.”

She sent me to the comfy room – really it was the monitoring room. I sat in the big comfy recliner and they placed the monitor parts on my belly and told me to click the button every time the baby moved. He didn’t move much. So about 30 minutes later my Dr. comes in again, and says – You’re going to the hospital for monitoring over night, and we will induce you in the morning. – Wait? What? Seriously? But my daughter is at the school with her dad, and I have the car seat!  – My dr. told me I could go get my daughter taken care of, and have a light supper with my family. So that is what I did. Well, sort of. I mean, a chili relleno dinner with rice and beans, hot sauce and guacamole… That is a light dinner… right?

Ready to POP!

So we took my daughter to my mother-in-laws house to stay the night, and my husband and I went to the hospital.

They put me on monitors all night long, but saw nothing of concern. Then the next morning they started me on pictocin (which I swear was created by the Devil himself!) My dr. was not going to be the physician on call that day, it was the dr. that everyone uses (except me, obviously – I always go against the flow) and loves. And after going through that day with him, I understand why. He was so calm and funny through out the whole day.

The nurses would get worried because Luke’s heart rate would drop really low each time I had a contraction. At one point, when the dr. came to check on me, the nurse flat out asked him if he had been keeping an eye on the monitors. He chuckled and said “well, no, not really. The Rangers are on.” LOL! Only in Texas, right? So he stood there in my room and watched my monitors for a few moments. Grunted to himself, and watched some more. Finally he said “Well, your dr. wouldn’t like the look of that, and would probably send you for surgery, but I think yall are going to do all right. Well, keep an eye on you a while longer.”

Ready for a night of monitoring…

Ready to meet his boy!

Trying to rest.

Also, trying to rest.

Now I am sure most people wouldn’t like to hear that, but I was OK with waiting. If only I had known that waiting was going to be our theme for the next few days…

I won’t bore you with the details of the birth. Let’s sum it up in a few words and phrases: epidural (thank You, God, for modern pain medicine – you won’t hear me say this too often, but when it comes to child birth, I’m all for it!) broken water, moments of panic when Luke’s heart rate would drop, lots of rolling from side to side, nurse calling dr. yelling at him to hurry. Nurse panicking, thinking she was going to have to glove up and catch the baby. Dr snapping his gloves on LITERALLY in the nick of time to catch the boy.

Let’s do this!

Cuttin’ the cord

It’s LOVE

It’s LOVE

Loving being a big sister!

Family of FOUR!

We were blessed to have so many family and friends there, ready to meet our little man. Many people came to visit us and wish us well the day Luke was born. Of course, the nurses came through out the day to do their routine monitoring and checks on him and me. They took him during the night to do routine blood work. We had a relatively peaceful night. Then the next morning came…

The on-call pediatrician came to see us. I was already bummed that it was not our pedi (whom we LOVE), but we were ok with this one. Our daughter had seen her once before. However, this time she had “the look”. You know the look I’m talking about. The one where you know something is up…

She pulled up a chair and pulled out our chart and began explaining to us that our perfect little boy, wasn’t actually perfect. He was covered in red spots (well, yeah, we noticed them right away, but it’s just from coming through the birth canal, right?) No, those red spots are called petechiae and are caused by the lack of platelets in his blood. (Woah, wait, what??)

If you look closely at his chest, neck, cheeks, and forehead – you will see clusters of tiny read “pin marks” – his body was covered in them.

The rest of the conversation is a blur. I remember her saying that a low-healthy count of platelets was 150,000 – Luke’s platelet count? 19,000. She told us, she even had them run the blood test twice to make sure.

Then we heard the words no parent wants to hear. “We have called a team from Methodist Hospital, they are sending their team here to transport him to the NICU there in an ambulance. They will probably give him a platelet transfusion, and that should get him better.” Then she left.

And my precious and I broke down. We held each other, and our boy, and cried, and prayed through our tears. We didn’t really understand everything, but we knew God was in control.

Once we were in control again, I looked at my precious and said these words: I don’t want to make these phone calls.

But we had to. I called my dad’s cell phone, because I knew I couldn’t break the news to my mom. They were at their neighbors house enjoying breakfast together and showing off pictures of the new baby before coming back to the hospital. I told my dad to walk away so I could tell him what was going on. I then told him, and asked him and mom to come right away.

Cody called his family and basically said the same thing, except to wait until we called them and told them we were headed to Dallas. They could meet us there.

We thought of our sweet girl. She had been staying with my MIL, but we knew she would want to go to Dallas too. So I called my cousin, who lives a little over an hour away and asked if she could come down to our place and take O home with her for at least the night. Of course, she could. (Praise God for such a close, loving family!)

During the next few hours, the team from Dallas showed up and were getting briefed on the patient. My precious went and picked up our girl, and took her to our house to meet my cousin, and to also gather up clothes and what not for us. Since we didn’t know how long we would be gone. He called his work, our church, etc. My parents were at the hospital with me. Waiting…

Eventually they came and told us that they had Luke on the stretcher and were about to roll him down the hall if we wanted to step outside and see him. So my precious and I, along with my parents stepped out into the hall way, and what I saw … sorry, just typing this out brings me to tears. I was not prepared for what I was about to see. I wish I had a picture, but who thinks of taking pictures at a time like that? The image is forever burned into my mind though. My baby boy was laying on a stretcher in this incubator looking box, with wires, and machines…. I broke down. Through my tears I asked the Team (there were 4 of them) if we could please pray for our baby before they left. So we gathered around the stretcher, my husband, parents, the Team, nurses had gathered around… I’m not sure who all was there. My precious husband laid hands on our baby’s box and led a beautiful prayer for safety and healing, and we watched them roll my boy away.

During our waiting time, the OB who had delivered our boy came by, telling me he had filled out all the paper work so I could be released to follow the ambulance up to Dallas. He had also set down with Cody and I and said he felt Luke would be fine. He was very calm, and compassionate. I appreciated that. The on-call pediatrician had also come back by, to offer reassurance. She too, said that Luke should be fine. Just not if he stayed there. We had to get him to Dallas for the care he needed.

We gathered up our things, and headed to the SUV shortly after they had wheeled Luke down. When we went to walk out of the hospital, they had just finished loading Luke up in the ambulance. – Insert another wave of tears. -

So thankful for the Team from Methodist that cared for our boy on his first “car” ride.

Well, this is getting rather lengthy, so I believe I will let this be part one. And will continue our story in the next post.

For my girl

So, Olivia has been watching me type out Luke’s story, and she ask “What about me?” So I went and logged into my “myspace” account – first time in 3 years! And copied her story to paste for her here.

So, here you go, sweet girl. This is for you.

(Originally posted on my myspace page November 17, 2008)

Don’t worry, there aren’t going to be any gory details…

Cody and I got up at 3:45 am November 5th, 2008 to get ready to go to Tyler. Normally we aren’t morning people, and Cody is best friends with the snooze button on the alarm clock, but this day we both popped right out of bed. The drive to Tyler didn’t seem to take that long either, we talked about how things were changing, and what we thought our little girl would look like, weigh, how long she would be, how long we thought labor and delivery would take… we were wrong about a lot of these things. LOL!

Ready for to meet O!

First, we thought it would take forever… It didn’t. We got to the hospital at 6, and got checked in, then sent up to the l/d room. My nurses were AWESOME, shout out to Nancy and Susan!! Ok, first off, I had to get into that extremely ugly gown, and answer a million questions. They wouldn’t let Cody stay in there while I answered the questions, so he went to get our bags and stuff. (Stupid HIPPA – I have nothing to hide, anyway…) Then they started my pictocin at 7:43. I should probably step in here and say that I was already dilated to a 3, and had been having contractions off and on for over a week. They just wouldn’t get close  enough to go to the hospital on our own. My dr. came in to check on me around 8:30, and broke my water. I know I said no gory details… so I’m just going to say that that was gross.

The pictocin was definitely working, my contractions were 2-3 minutes apart and were strong. Not unbearable, but strong. Especially in my back… gotta love back labor – NOT! I just kept breathing through them. I told my mom and Cody that if it didn’t hurt my back so bad that I could probably handle it with  no meds. This was still early in the game though, LOL! Gotta love my optimism!!

Around 9:30 they came to check me again, and I was at a 4. They told me I could have my epidural now, or stadol if I wanted it, that would help take the edge off… so I said sure, they aren’t that bad yet, no reason to get the epidural any earlier than I have to… (have I told you yet that I was terrified of getting the epidural? I knew I wanted it, but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t scared… I don’t like things touching my back…) So they hooked up the stadol to my IV, and that is when things started kicking it up a notch! Within minutes, my contractions were going off of the chart, and were… let’s say intense. LOL! So by about 10:15 I decided that wasn’t fun, and asked for my epidural. (I have no problem admitting that I don’t handle pain well…. Well, I take that back, I truly believe if it hadn’t hurt my back so bad, that I could have gone with out the epidural… at least for the contractions.) The nurse says that they have called the anaesthesiologist  (yeah, I’m sure I butchered that word!) and that she will be there shortly.

Well, what do you know, but an “emergency” came up, so she had to take care of that first. So let’s fast forward to 11:15 when she shows up, and my contractions are a minute apart. They ask my mom and Cody to step out and then they get things started. Let me say that contractions are not fun (Radawna, that is for you!), but add to that, contractions that are coming every minute, lasting for about a minute, and they are having issues getting a needle in you back…. while you are having back labor… again, not unbearable… but most certainly not fun. LOL!

So as I was saying, she is having a hard time getting that needle in my back, and I am having contractions every minute. She finally gets that wonderful medicine pumping into my system, and with in minutes the world is a much better place. Now instead of extreme pain (I have already admitted once that I don’t have a high pain tolerance) I’m just feeling pressure.  And not just any pressure… but it feels like I need to go to the restroom. Hmmm.

So I tell my wonderful nurse, Nancy this, and she gets excited. So they check me again and low and behold I’m at a 9! No flipping wonder those contractions were so intense! It’s almost show time! So let’s recap, in an hour and a half, I went from a 4 to a 9, Olivia isn’t playing around.  So my dr. comes to check me again, and while she is there I progress to a 10, so she says I can start pushing. By now it is almost 12:00 pm. The dr. leaves, and lets the nurses assist me in pushing. So I do about 5 sets of 3 pushes, and they get excited again, and say it’s time to call the dr. Well, my dr. is getting ready for lunch, and my nurse, Nancy, tells her she really doesn’t think she has time to eat, she may want to hurry over. So a few minutes later the dr. comes back, 2 sets of 3 pushes later, at 12:39 pm Olivia makes her debut! Weighing in at 7lbs, 5oz. and 19 inches long, with dark brown hair, blue eyes (for now), and a rosy darker-than-me complexion.

Things went very well. God was very good to me, and gave be a quick delivery… I admit, I was expecting the worse. But most importantly, He blessed Cody and I with a beautiful, healthy, baby girl.

Family of 3

Welcome to the world Olivia Jewel!

Four days old, let’s go to church!

Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

True Friends

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” Proverbs 17:17

Do you have a friend that loves at all times? Someone who has been there for you through the good and the bad? Someone that knows about all your baggage and junk, yet loves you anyway?

Think back to your earliest childhood memories. To the friends you played with on the school playground, or perhaps in the church nursery. You know, the friend that you were in diapers with. Are you still friends with these people?

My earliest friend that I remember, would probably be my double-cousin. Being double-cousins we were always together. Our mom’s are sisters. Our dad’s are brothers. So it didn’t matter which side of the family was getting together (and they were always getting together) we were both there. We are 2 years apart in age. We’ve always been able to be honest and talk about things like sisters. Which has been great for me, since I am an only child (she has 3 sisters). As we have gotten older our relationship has changed. I am glad to say that we have grown closer, and she is not just my cousin, but also one of my best friends. Our children are very close in age, and we chat on the phone at least once a week. Our husbands get along great. It is nice.

My other earliest childhood friends that I remember would be a friend from church. A classmate from 1st grade, and one from 2nd grade. The friend from church was a few years older than me, and as we got older, our friendship drifted as she became a teenager, and I was still a child. The two classmates – well, the three of us were stuck to each other like glue. That is until I moved away. Then one of the others moved. While we have stayed in touch, and still see each other every few years, I fear that as children (and before the internet with email/facebook/twitter….) we just were not able to keep the connection needed to stay super close. I still love all of these girls, and now, thanks to facebook, we do keep in touch. We still care about each other but that connection just isn’t there.

Then there are the friends from jr/high school…. Ah yes. A time I would rather block from my memory. No, not really. I LOVED these friends. We had great fun together!! We laughed and cried together. We made mistakes together. I don’t have any regrets, except for not being the friend that I should have been. I take full responsibility for the loss of these friendships. However, again thanks to facebook, we have been able to reconnect, and repair some of the loss. We enjoyed our 10-year high school reunion this year. Honestly, I had a blast! It was like the past 10 years had just been days (except most of us had spouses and children with us, lol) – I suppose this is a perk from growing up in a small (and I mean SMALL) town. Some of us have even reconnected even more since then. A true blessing.

They say the friends you make in college are the ones that you will form the closest bond to, and keep the longest. I didn’t have a typical college experience. I did make a really great friend in my ASL class, and yes we do still keep in touch… but I didn’t live in the dorms, I didn’t join any groups or clubs, I didn’t even eat on campus, or spend time in the library. I went to class, and went home.

I know, I’ve always been a boring, old soul.

My closest friendships that I have developed as an adult have come from my church family. I love these people that I call my friends. These are true, deep, lasting bonds. We have done life together. They have seen me at my worst, loved me through my tears, rejoiced with me in happiness. Even when some of them have moved away, the distance only separates us physically. Love keeps us connected. (And thank God for unlimited calls and text, LOL!)

My very best friend though, is my husband. I LOVE this man! We’ve been together 13 years. He, has truly seen me at my worst. He knows things about me that I wouldn’t want others to know. But he also knows the best things about me. He loves me in spite of my faults (and trust me, there are many! You should see my pile of clean clothes that need to be put away…) He loves me when I forget to set out things for supper (oh… speaking of which…). He has loved me through sickness, and in health. Through happy times, and times of utter heartbreak and despair. We have grieved the loss of loved ones together. We have dealt with infertility together. Been through the shock and chaos of spending the week in the NICU with a sick baby. We can laugh at private jokes together. We “get” each other. He is my biggest supporter, and number one fan – and I am his. He is my friend that “loves at all times.”

I am also glad to say, that my parents are also some of my best friends. They have loved me through my life, and have been there for me at every turn. As an adult, I am able to appreciate the way our relationship has grown and changed through out the years. I love my mom and dad deeply, and appreciate the way they have loved me through all my phases of life, and how they have welcomed my husband into the family as the son they never had. And now, as grandparents… Well, let’s just say they have embraced that phase of life with open arms and hearts full of love (and pockets full of candy, lol!).

Our friendships and relationships obviously change over time. We have to grow and mature. Figure out who we are. I’m not a child anymore. I’m not the same person I was in jr. high or high school or college. I’m not the same person I was 5 years ago… or one year ago. God is constantly molding me. Shaping me. Growing me in to the woman He has created me to be. I pray that I am always pliable, and willing to be molded by His hands to do His will.

How do we develop these close friendships? Is there a help guide? Yes, there is. It is the Bible, and we will get more into what the Bible has to say about forming friendships in a later post.

Camping with Dad

Having individual time with each of our kids is extremely important to my husband and I. We try for once a month having a “date” with O (a daddy-daughter date, and/or a mommy-daughter date). As the boy gets older he will get his dates as well. For now, he is happy playing blocks or throwing things at us. (The Boy has got a wicked throw!)

During his Christmas break, my Precious decided he needed a daddy-daughter date, especially since we knew she was going to have a hard time adjusting to him going back to work that following Monday. (She had been asking almost every day if he could just stay home with us forever. At the beginning of the Christmas break he explained to her that he would be home for two weeks, and showed her on a calendar. Her response? “Maybe FIVE weeks?”)

Daddy’s Girl

Before we had kids, my Precious and I loved going camping, hiking, kayaking. While I know there are those avid outdoor enthusiast who strap on the kids, and keep on trucking, we… are not that enthusiastic. We decided we could hold off for a while until the kids got a little older. We are hoping to start back up this spring,  before the Texas heat kicks in.

We did try to go camping with the girl when she was about 15 months old. It… Well… It didn’t go so well. We ventured off to the closest state park (still 45 minutes away…) went to set up camp, and realized we forgot the tent poles. By that time, my Love was getting hungry, so I encouraged my Precious, to go ahead and cook them supper, and I would run home and get the poles. We still had enough time… Well… I got home and guess what? The tent poles were no where to be found. SIGH. I called my husband crying, and he said to just come get them. It was getting cold, and starting to get dark. Major camping FAIL! We have not attempted to go again since that horrible night. (Which also included my husband having to hold on to our Love while keeping the raccoons away – they just wanted a little dinner, lol! It’s better for my husband to relay that particular tale though. Imagine a brave knight, holding the damsel in distress in one arm, while fending off the evil-doers of the night with his sword in the other… it is similar to that love you honey!)

(Will post pictures of that adventure as soon as I can find them…)

This adventure went MUCH better!! They decided to camp in our back yard, to let O get used to the idea of sleeping in a tent, and in a sleeping bag. She had so much fun helping set up! They even made their own lanterns out of glow sticks! They bundled up in layers and had fun reading and playing in the tent. My Love had no problem going to sleep… She did however wake up shortly after 11, and wanted her mommy. So they came in and she got to crawl in bed with me. I think for their second outdoor adventure, it went really well.

Helping secure the tent.

Bringing out the sleeping pads and sleeping bags.

Rolling out the mats.

Glowing Lanterns

Camping Date with Dad

My Love has been asking to go camping again, so that is good!  We still don’t know how the Boy will do. He was more interesting in running wild in the back yard when they were setting up. I’m not sure we could contain him in a tent either… (Think Tasmanian Devil…) Maybe thinking we will be able to go camping with the kids by spring is being a bit optimistic

The Wild Boy

What is important is that O got some 1-on-1 time with dad. Something I am so glad we started early. I still remember going on daddy-daughter dates with my own dad. We still go out, (although O usually goes with us, and that is fine with me!) and I am grateful for the relationship and bond that I have with my dad. I treasure the individual time I have always had with my mom too – shopping, going out to eat, manicures/pedicures…

It is so important for us to build these relationships early. To form that bond, and that trust. Our relationships with our children will change over the years, it is vital that we lay a firm foundation, so that *hopefully* we can make smooth transitions from one stage to the next. Praise God, that with Him, all things are possible! Whether those transitions are smooth or not.

These are a few more resources I wanted to share.
A Date with Dad
Making Memories

Making Memories

We need friends

You know how everyone is posting those “post card” type pictures on facebook? I saw one the other day that said “Sorry I’ve been a bad friend, I’m too busy being an awesome mom!” or something along those lines. At first, I “liked” it – ha ha, it’s funny. But the more I thought about it, the more it ate at me. It almost made me sick to think about it.

That’s not how it should be at all! I don’t know about you, but I NEED my friends. In fact, with out them, I probably wouldn’t be an awesome mom.

God created us to be relational. He created us to have a relationship with Him. He created us to have friends, and be relational with them. He created Eve for Adam (“It is not good for man to be alone”.) Moses and Joshua. Elijah and Elisha. David and Johnathan. Ruth followed Naomi. Jesus poured into his disciples. Paul mentored Timothy. The Bible has A LOT to say about friendships, and I will get more into that in my next post.

We need friends to mentor us through life. To pull us up when we are drowning. To celebrate life with us. To let us cry on their shoulder. To advise us. To teach us. To love us.

Are you putting effort into your friendships? Or are they being neglected because you are focused on other things? I am not saying to neglect your family. If you know me, you know that family is priority number 2 (right after God). But what is your number 3? Work? Exercise? Me time? All things worthy of our time and attention, but where do your friendships rank? When is the last time you had a meaningful conversation with a friend? Not just a few quick text back and forth. Or keeping up with each other through facebook, twitter, instagram… I’m talking a real connection. Coffee and cake together. A hand written card. A real conversation over the phone.

You can’t be an awesome mom if you don’t take care of yourself. Your friends can help with that. As a mom you NEED some time with the girls. I know I do.

I haven’t been doing a good job of being an intentional friend. But you know what? The buck stops here. I’m going to be intentional. I’m going to pour myself into these relationships. My friends deserve that. They have needs that only a friend can meet. So will you join me in this challenge to be a better friend? I know I can’t be the only one who feels this way. Let’s all step up.